Sunday, May 31, 2009

Silly me.

I have an amazing daughter. Well, two actually but this time I want to brag on the oldest, Artie.
I was feeling lonely here in my new neighborhood, in my new house. Feeling left out and rather sorry for myself. It's nothing new really. I have felt this way before, probably will again. And I have felt this way every time that we have moved.
I think that I'm over friendly by a couple of degrees. I am a bit 'too much' for people. Too open. Too friendly. Too intimate. As a result, I sit around waiting for new friends to catch up with what I already know....that I am sincere in my love for them.
So, I was feeling lonely and left out. I was thinking about how I'd been here before (who hasn't, right?) and I would just ride it out like I have in the past. I was giving it a lot of thought (because being lonely really isn't pleasant especially the part where you think people aren't warming up to you). You know how there can be one or two people in a group that aren't particularly taken with you and that colors your whole perspective? I hate it when that happens and I tend to fall into that trap.
It occurred to me that Artie had talked about this a while back. She was sharing with me her feelings of loneliness and trying to create ways to get yourself 'unstuck' out of self-pitying behavior. Artie is a great 'intention' creator. She will grab onto an intention and fly with it. She will decide that she is going to open and friendly and make friends. And damn she will. She will decide that she going to think good thoughts all day. And damn she will. She is terrific at deliberately creating. She sets a mean example, my kid.
I was thinking about her and how I have seen in action the power of turning a situation around. So I thought that I should put a post up on my facebook page and on the neighborhood email list that I was going to the movies that night and whoever wants to come over beforehand for wine, cheese, and salad should come on by and then we could all go to the movies together.
I got to fill my table with a group of lovely folk. I got to fill my heart with warmth. I got to see a good movie with a gaggle of fellow movie buffs. I got to remind myself that I am cherished and well liked in the eyes of my neighbors. Believe me, the feeling is mutual.
Loneliness. Feelings of not being liked. Oh, I'm sure that I'll feel those emotions again. Who won't, right?
Hear this my dear friends...when these not good for anything much feelings seep into your being put yourself out there and invite someone over. Do the opposite of what that self-destructive thought pattern in your head is telling you to do. Throw away the pillow so you can't hide under it. For every person that is not attracted to you there a 10 who love and adore you.
I forgot that for a minute.
Silly me.

3 comments:

Patience-please said...

Beautiful post! Boy do I need lessons from Artie!

hugs-
P

Jane_hates_Dick said...

Oh. You have no idea how much I needed this this morning. I woke up in tears, feeling very lonely and unlovable. Thank you.

ophelia rising said...

You know how I feel about this. And your daughter is very wise. It's a lesson in attitude, in making the change happen, rather than sitting and stewing about it (which I am wont to do, often).

I also understand the fear of being too friendly. I sometimes get the feeling that people don't think I'm for real, that perhaps I'm just faking it. I love how you put this into words - how you sit around waiting for them to figure out what you already know. I HEAR you, sister. I HEAR you. I've never thought it through, or put it into words before, and here you've pegged it for me.

Wish I could've been in on that movie evening. Sounds lovely.
xo